We waited to learn the gender of our daughter. We wanted to be surprised, just like we were for her big sister. She sure did surprise us! The first time I saw her beautiful face, I knew she was rockin’ an extra chromosome. I actually whispered to my husband, while still in surgery, “does she have Down syndrome?”.

He calmly reassured me that she didn’t, but I knew he didn’t fully believe the words. My mama heart had been whispering to me my entire pregnancy, telling me that something was different. And when they wished her away to the NICU minutes after her birth, I was shocked in the realization that my instinct was right all along. I was scared, and I was overwhelmed. I immediately told my husband that she was going to shape our hearts in unimaginable ways, while we cried in the recovery room. No words have ever been more true. I see her joyous smile, and watch her proudly crawl across the living room, and I feel foolish for every being so scared. She’s a fierce thing, and she has opened my eyes to a beautiful world. Emily and I often tell each other, “You weren’t trained for this, but you were made for this.” I’ve never felt more empowered, or called for a purpose like I have since Natalie’s birth.

 

I learned about Ruby’s Rainbow, shortly after Natalie was born, after I finished reading Kelle Hampton’s book Bloom. I saw pictures of Nella and Ruby on Kelly’s Instagram. Finding Ruby’s Rainbow was like a hug and a high five. I remember crying in the recovery room, immediately after Natalie was born, as I wrestled with all of my fears and limited expectations for our girl. I remember looking at my husband through puffy eyes and telling him that we needed to start a college fund, just like we did for her big sister, because Natalie is going to college! I didn’t know if it was even a real possibility, or just may mama heart needing a ray of hope. And then I found Ruby’s Rainbow, and my heart soared. I saw the faces of the rockin’ recipients, and my heart soared!

The moment i learned about this organization, I was filled with hope and gratitude. At the hospital, I remember looking at my husband and crying. “We need to start a college fund for Nat, too. because she’s going to go to college,” I said to him.

And here it was, confirmation of that dream.

 

 

Things I have learned on this journey so far? Oh boy. Where do I start? First, it’s okay to grieve. Let go of what you thought this journey would look like. Cry through your fears. Don’t feel guilty for the fear that you have. It’s normal and it’s understandable. Just know that celebration is on the horizon! This sweet bundle of yours, rockin’ that extra chromosome, is going to change you for the better. You are going to live in the moment differently than you would before. Celebrate that joyous smile that lights up a room, and the way your baby melts into your when you sleep. You won’t take milestones for granted, because none of them are guaranteed.

Celebrate, because you are truly one of the lucky few.